Colombia has officially authorised a plan to cull dozens of hippos that have been roaming the countryside like they own the place. Environment Minister Irene Velez announced that up to 80 of these invasive beasts will be euthanised because they are breeding faster than a gossip column.
Colombia is currently the only place outside Africa where these animals live in the wild. This all started in the 1980s when Pablo Escobar decided his private zoo, Hacienda Napoles, absolutely needed four hippos. When Escobar met his end in the 90s, the hippos decided they quite liked the Colombian weather and stayed. Now, that original group of four has turned into a herd of around 200, and they are causing more trouble than a stag do in Magaluf.
A Very Expensive Pedicure
The government has tried everything to stop the hippo baby boom. They tried sterilising them, which is about as easy and safe as trying to put a jumper on a hungry lion. They also tried sending them to zoos, but nobody really wanted to pay the $3.5 million shipping fee. Each euthanasia procedure is expected to cost about 150 million pesos, which includes the cost of sedating a creature that could crush a car without noticing.
These so called cocaine hippos are not just a nuisance; they are an ecological disaster. They are currently outcompeting local manatees for food and poisoning the rivers with their rather impressive amount of waste. They have even been spotted over 100 kilometres away from their original home. It seems the lush Colombian environment is basically a five star resort for them, with no natural predators to keep their egos or their waistlines in check.
Souvenirs and Outrage
Not everyone is happy about the plan to thin out the herd. Local vendors near the old ranch have made a tidy living selling hippo themed keyrings and taking tourists on hippo spotting tours. For them, the animals are a cash cow with tusks. Animal welfare activists are also fuming, calling the cull cruel and a bad example for a country trying to move past its violent history. One senator even called it a massacre of healthy creatures.
However, scientists point out that we cannot just ship them back to Africa. Because they all come from the same four original hippos, their gene pool is a bit of a mess and they could carry diseases that would wipe out the wild populations back home. Essentially, these animals are stuck in a biological limbo where they are too dangerous to keep and too risky to move.
The End of the Line
The government has earmarked billions of pesos to start the cull in the second half of 2026. If they do nothing, the population could hit 1,000 by 2035. That is a lot of angry, territorial mammals wandering through people’s farms. It is a sad end for the animals, but perhaps a lesson for anyone thinking of starting their own illegal zoo: maybe stick to goldfish.
The hippos might have been the stars of the show for decades, but it seems the final curtain is finally closing on Escobar’s most unusual inheritance.
Do you think a cull is the only way to save the ecosystem, or should the government keep trying to find a home for 200 very large, very grumpy roommates?
Related topics: South America
