Most of us wake up to a cold cup of tea or a nagging alarm clock. Rachel Bloor, however, woke up to a 2.5 metre carpet python using her chest as a heated mattress. In the early hours of a Monday morning in Brisbane, Rachel felt a heavy weight and reached out to give what she thought was her pet dog a quick pat. Instead of fur, she felt something smooth, cool, and decidedly slithery.
Her partner switched on the light and gave her the sort of advice nobody wants at 3:00 AM. “Oh baby. Don’t move. There’s like a 2.5m python on you.” Most people would have probably left the house through the nearest closed window, but Rachel just worried about her Dalmatian causing a scene. She knew that if the dog spotted the intruder, it would be absolute carnage in the bedroom.
The Great Bed Sheet Escape
While her husband beat a hasty retreat to secure the dogs, Rachel had to perform a delicate side shuffle to get out from under the covers. She described the experience as bizarre, which is quite a polite way to describe being spooned by a giant reptile. Once she was free, she didn’t even bother calling a snake catcher. She simply grabbed the python and guided it back out through the window shutters it had squeezed through.
| Detail | Fact |
| Species | Coastal Carpet Python. |
| Size | Approximately 2.5 metres (8 feet). |
| Danger Level | Non-venomous but can deliver a nasty bite. |
| Entry Point | Second story window shutters. |
Why So Calm?
Rachel grew up on a large property and is used to seeing snakes. She reckons if you stay calm, they stay calm. The python didn’t even seem bothered when she picked it up, it just “wobbled” in her hand as it made its exit. In fact, Rachel is much more terrified of cane toads. She says those ugly, lumpy pests actually make her dry retch, so she was just relieved the weight on her chest wasn’t a giant toad.
Carpet pythons are basically the “suburban leviathans” of Queensland. They are incredibly common in Brisbane backyards and love to hang out in roofs to eat rats and mice. While they aren’t venomous, they do have about a hundred sharp, backward facing teeth. If you try to wrestle one without Rachel’s level of chill, you might end up with some rather impressive puncture wounds.
A Lesson in Australian Hospitality
This story is a classic reminder that in Australia, your house is never truly just yours. Whether it is a spider in your shoe or an eight foot snake in your bed, the local wildlife is always looking for a comfortable place to nap. It also proves that growing up in the bush gives you a level of bravery that most city dwellers can only dream of.
If you ever find yourself in a similar spot, just remember Rachel’s advice. Stay calm, shimmy out of the blankets, and hope it isn’t a toad.
Try to keep your windows shut, unless you are looking for a very large, scaly cuddle buddy.
Related topics: Oceanic
