If you thought your last credit card statement was a bit of a horror show, spare a thought for the European Union. As of Day 1,395 of the Russia-Ukraine conflict, the EU has decided to deal with its “war funding fatigue” by signing off on a $105.5 billion interest free loan for Kyiv.
In a move that screams “we don’t want to talk about it,” the bloc is borrowing the cash on capital markets rather than touching those frozen Russian assets. It’s the ultimate geopolitical workaround: why steal the car (Russian assets) when you can just take out a massive loan on the house (the EU budget) and hope the neighbours don’t notice? Russian President Vladimir Putin still called it “robbery” anyway, proving that even when you go the “honest” route of debt, you’ll still get labelled a pirate in Moscow.
Miami Heat and Slavic Skepticism
While missiles were unfortunately “business as usual” in Odesa, killing seven and leaving the city in a chronic power blackout the real action shifted to the poolside. Putin’s special envoy, Kirill Dmitriev, is currently in Miami for a rendezvous with Steve Witkoff, Jared Kushner, and presumably a very expensive blender.
The goal? A peace deal. But don’t hold your breath. US Secretary of State Marco Rubio recently gave a year-end address that was essentially a shrug in a suit, admitting that while there’s “progress,” the hardest issues (territory, pride, and who gets the bill) are still on the table. Meanwhile, Kupiansk is back in Ukrainian hands, making Russia’s previous claims of control look like a particularly desperate bit of creative writing.
War: The Ultimate Growth Industry
Let’s be honest: at Day 1,395, war has become less of a tragedy and more of a subsidiary of Global Inc. It’s the world’s most lucrative business, featuring a supply chain that involves everything from reconnaissance drones to sophisticated “financial rerouting.”
Take Turkiye, for instance. They just found a Russian Orlan-10 drone crashed in a field in İzmit, looking like a lost pigeon. It’s a literal spill over from a conflict where the money flows faster than the ammunition. When you’re dealing with $100bn loans and “private” diplomatic meetings in Florida, the line between “aid” and “arbitrage” starts to look very thin. With the recent raids on high level offices in Kyiv and Moscow’s talk of “legal action,” one does wonder how much of this “military necessity” is actually just a high stakes version of money laundering with a very loud soundtrack.
Final Reflection
As we head into another winter of blackouts and boardroom negotiations, it’s clear that the “Day of Reflection” isn’t just for the victims it’s for the rest of us to consider the price of the status quo. When the weapons are legal, the loans are interest free, and the diplomats are in Miami, the war stops being a conflict and starts being a lifestyle.
Related topics: Europe
